Watching From a Distance
by merrygreeneyes
Summary: When Edward leaves Bella in the woods in New Moon, he handles things the only way he knows how. He completely falls apart and asks Alice to check on Bella once a year. How will Edward handle watching his love from a distance?
1. Chapter 1

_Prologue_

"Edward you can't leave her and that's final."

"Alice, don't tell me what to do. I've already made my decision and I'm not changing my mind."

"I can see that, but I can also see that you will regret this decision for the rest of your existence, which is what your life will be. You will no longer live, you will only exist."

"Isn't that what I'm already doing? Merely existing? Our hearts don't beat, we don't even need to breath. She will be better off without me interfering in her life anymore."

"Do you not even care what happens to her? I can't believe you. You tell her that you love her and then you leave her."

"I do care, more than you know and that's why we need to leave."

I was going to have leave Bella and I was going to have to hurt her the only way I knew how, but telling her I don't love her anymore and probably never did.


	2. Chapter 2

September 13, 2006 – _Age 19_

It's been 364 days since I've left Bella. Each second of every day has been spent replaying every beautiful millisecond I spent with her. I begin with the first time I saw her in biology up until right before her disastrous birthday party that would change both of our lives forever.

"Alice, please look ahead for the next year and tell me what it's going to be like for her." I've decided that once a year I will ask Alice to look ahead and check Bella's future for me. I want to make sure that she's moved on and not as destroyed as I have been and continue to be. I thought things would get easier, but each day is like worse than the last.

Alice's eyes go blank for a few seconds before she begins to show me what she's seen. Bella has just begun her first year of college. She seems to have lost about 7 pounds and is even paler than she used to be, but she's functioning which is more than I can say for myself. "She's starting college and has decided to major in literature. This year will be rough for her but she'll finish out the year and end up on the Dean's List.

After leaving that fateful night, our family moved to our house up in the Denali wilderness in Alaska. I only leave my room to hunt and only when my family drags me out. I usually take down the first thing I see and then head back to the sanctuary of my room. My eyes are almost continuously black and this is what I deserve. I hurt the only woman I've ever loved. I've often wondered if we are mates, but as long as she is human, I apparently will have no way of knowing.

After hearing Alice's prediction for Bella's year, I decide to go hunt. My brothers are coming with me. This is my existence now. At least until Bella's life is over and then I will follow.

**A/N This is my first story and I'm really excited. It has been a long time coming. I've been a long-time reader and reviewer and at the encouragement of my sweet husband I've decided to give writing a try.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I give credit to Stephenie Meyer for creating these characters and this world that I love to crawl up into and stay in for hours. The derivation from the original plot, however, is mine.**

September 13, 2007 – _Age 20_

"Edward, why don't you just come in here and ask?" I've been standing outside Alice's room for the last three hours trying to decide if I want to know what's coming next in Bella's life. I'm hoping she's moved on, but at the same time I'm hoping she hasn't.

I enter Alice's room and the visions begin. I follow them and see that Bella looks better. She's gained all of the weight back and even seems to be smiling a little more. Jealousy hits me square in the chest and I nearly fall to my knees from its force. I need to know what is making her smile and I wish with all of my heart that it was me.

Bella just began her sophomore year of college. I hope she is enjoying it. She loves literature and I know she is going to love some of the books on her reading list this year.

Abruptly, Alice's visions begin to change and she gasps. Charlie is going to have a heart attack this year and won't make it. I can see that there will be people there for her and I wish with all of my heart that it was me, but I gave up that right when I left her. She will move to Jacksonville to be closer to her mother and she will re-enroll in school there next fall. It will be a difficult few months, but Bella will come out stronger on the other side.

I breathe out a ragged sigh and returned slowly to my dark, safe haven. "Thanks Alice."

"I know it's hard Edward. She's safe and she will be happy someday. I still don't agree with this decision…" Alice's voice fades to the back of my mind as I invite visions of Bella inside my head. She is beautiful and continues to grow more beautiful as time passes.


	4. Chapter 4

September 13, 2008 – _Age 21_

My body is too weak at this point to go to Alice so she comes to me.

"Edward, you need to hunt. You can't keep torturing yourself like this. You need to at least try to move on with your life as Bella is doing. You are wasting your life and you are wasting away."

She refuses to let me see what is in my future even though I'm pretty sure it's more of the same torture that I've endured over the last three years. If I could go back to her I would, but I know that she will just end up in danger again.

The visions begin again. Bella is beginning to look a bit older, her hips a bit curvier and her chest a bit more voluptuous. She was always completely ravishing to me but with each passing year her beauty continues to grow.

She no longer has the pale skin, but she looks like she had been kissed by the sun. Her skin has a tan glow to it and her hair has a few blond highlights. I can see that she is still very sad, most likely from her dad's death the previous year. She is now living in Florida and attending the University of North Florida. After her dad's heart attack and subsequent death last year, she decided to major in nursing.

She also received a full scholarship from the Pacific Northwest Trust, which was a trust set up by E.A. Masen. I'm hoping she won't make the connection and realize it is me, I just want to make sure she's taken care of the only way I know how now.

"She's doing well Edward, which is more than I can say for you." Alice turns around and walks out of my room. I slowly get up from my bed and stumble to the window. I sniff and smell caribou. It isn't my favorite, but at least it is close. I need to be quick so I can replay my time with Bella again.


	5. Chapter 5

**I realize that I am forgetting to give the disclaimer. The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, the plot changes are mine.**

September 13, 2008 –_ Age 22_

I wander down the hallway to find Alice. Bella's birthday is today which means I want to see how she's doing. I hope she's finally doing well. She deserves it.

"I hear you coming Edward, just come in, the door is open."

"Thanks Alice," I say, startling her with a hug. I smirk, she didn't see that coming.

I lay down on the floor and close my eyes so I can really focus on the visions. I see Bella walking down a street and I can see someone behind her, following her. Then I see him attack her. I jump up and in my haste I jump too high, taking out the light fixture, but I am so angry I hardly notice.

"When does this happen Alice?" I demand.

_I'm not sure, she thinks._

"Just relax, Edward. Let's look and see what happens. The next vision shows Bella in the hospital. It is a scene very similar to the one in Phoenix. She is sleeping peacefully until she starts thrashing.

I don't even let the vision play out, I know I have to get to Jacksonville. Being in Florida will be tricky but luckily the vision takes place in the evening so I know I just have to follow her every night until I can catch that degenerate and make him pay for what he is going to do to Bella.

"You can't go Edward." I watched the vision play out. I won't be able to stay away from her. "You will revert back to killing and drinking from humans again and I won't let that happen. I'll send Emmett."

As much as I know she's right, if I go back I will end up in another rebellious period and I'm fairly certain that Carlisle won't welcome me back with open arms again like he did last time. I want with all of my heart to see Bella, but I made my decision and she needs to have her happy and normal human life.

Later that evening as Emmett is leaving to go after that despicable excuse for a human being, I find him and give him a hug. This startles him but after a second he hugs me back.

"Take care of her Emmett."

That's all that needs to be said and in a flash he is gone. Later that evening we get the call from Emmett. He tells us what Alice already did and that he managed to get that man before he got to Bella. Bella is fine and has no idea that Emmett was anywhere nearby. Another year passed, and a crisis averted.


	6. Chapter 6

**The characters are not mine, they belong to Stephenie Meyer, I've just changed their decisions...a little**

September 13, 2009 – _Age 23_

I will never be able to thank Emmett enough for taking care of that sorry excuse for a human last year. Turns out he was wanted in several states for his crimes involving woman, which are so despicable that I can't even begin to think them. It's been five years tomorrow that I left Bella alone and crying in the woods.

I may not ever be normal again, but at least I hunt and change my clothes on a monthly basis, well maybe not every month. Our family has moved to our family house in Hanover, New Hampshire. I'm still not able to attend school, but everyone else is tired of sitting around. Carlisle and Esme are back working and the rest are back in school. I just can't even consider being part of the human charade anymore. I still spend my days replaying every memory of my time with Bella. Emmett tells me that I need to find something more useful to do with my time but I just can't. She was and is the only bright spot in my life.

Alice comes into my room and begins to play the visions of Bella's next year. She graduates and begins working at Shand's Jacksonville. She is going to work with children. At this knowledge, I smile for the first time in five years. If I hadn't been a vampire, it most definitely would have hurt my face.

"She's doing so much, Alice. This is why I left. She's taking care of people and saving lives everyday. Just another reason I made the right decision. My hope now is for her to have her own children someday."

"Edward, I know you think you're doing the right thing, but what about you and your existence? You're nothing but a hollow shell. Why couldn't she save lives after she was changed? Look at Carlisle and his control. He's never once wavered, never once drank human blood. Remember Rose, she's never had human blood either! One more thing, what makes you think Bella even wants to have children someday? Just another decision you've made for her without her consent."

At the end of Alice's rant, she was sucking in deep breaths that I knew she didn't have to take. It's been five years of pent up anger. Anger at me and anger at losing her best friend. Five years of watching my pathetic dead body mope around the house. I realize this, but it still hurts.

Alice has been the one that has always stood by my side, even though she never agreed with my decision. With this realization, I see that I need to do something with my life. I don't know what that is yet, but I have all the time in the world and nothing to do. I'm so disappointed with myself at this realization. This year I'm going to make some changes. This year is going to be different.


	7. Chapter 7

**These are Stephenie Meyer's characters, I've just changed their decisions. Also, please be patient with Edward. I know he sounds pathetic, just remember that the story isn't over yet.**

September 13, 2010 _Age 24_

Over the past year I've made some decisions. I'm going to start my residency. I've already been to medical school more than once so I don't need to do that again. I've decided to specialize in blood disorders and work at analyzing the cases that no one else is able to solve. I like to think that I will be the Dr. House of blood. I snicker lightly to myself at my little joke.

Alice rushes into my room. "This year is going to change everything Edward. I'm almost afraid to show you the visions."

"Just go ahead Alice, nothing could be worse than leaving her."

I was so wrong. Alice's visions were crippling. I begin to see the visions of a nameless man. He is dressed in a white coat and I realize that he isn't Bella's doctor. He is Bella's new boyfriend. When I realize that she is finally moving on, the pain is excruciating. I don't move for the year. Carlisle and Jasper bring blood to me and force me to drink.


	8. Chapter 8

**These are still Stephenie Meyer's characters.**

September 13, 2011 _Age 25_

"Edward, are you going to finally get yourself out of this funk? This is crazy. If you aren't going to move after seeing these visions, I will refuse to keep showing them to you. You need to move on. Now stop acting like a spoiled emo brat and pay attention."

I've never seen Bella as happy as she is in the visions that Alice is showing me. I learn that the nameless man in the vision from last year has a name, his name is Eli. I don't ever want to admit this out loud but he seems perfect for her. Bella's eyes have brightened up and she seems downright giddy.

At the bright smile on her face, I actually crack a smile as well. She's moving on and doing exactly what I'd hoped she'd do. I can see them out on dates and he even takes her on a deep sea fishing trip. Of course she almost falls overboard, but he catches her. I almost feel a bit jealous that he's holding her, but the smile on her face and the sound of her laughter brush it away.

Bella's happy and she's going to be okay. At that, I briefly thank Alice and hop out of the window. It feels good to run again. I need to catch my own food for a change. I can hear the thoughts of those in the house. They are happy for Bella too.

When I return from my hunting trip, Alice and Carlisle are waiting for me. Alice is holding a new laptop and Carlisle is holding a new messenger back that looks weighted down with books.

"Are you ready to try to start your residency this year? In your…situation…from last year's visions I know that you never made it, but I'm hoping you will this year? The medical community needs you Edward! After your time with Bella, you are the only vampire that can be around that much blood everyday and not let your control slip." Carlisle is looking at me with the most hopeful look on his face and his thoughts are genuine. He really thinks I can make a difference.

"I've seen the things you will be able to accomplish Edward. You need to go." She was keeping me out of her thoughts and I wasn't sure why, but I decided it didn't matter. Maybe the things she was blocking had to do with her and Jasper, and I had no desire to see that.

I grabbed the messenger bag and laptop and make my way to my car. Alice has already arranged everything in New York and all I need to do is get there. For the first time in a long time, I'm actually looking forward to something. I need to lose my mind in the studies of the human body. Maybe if I can begin to help people, I can begin to heal. I'm off to NYU Langone. This is one of the best schools in the country for hematology and I know that I'll get some of the rarest cases there.

I can hear Jasper's thoughts as he tells me how grateful he is that I'm feeling something other than extreme self-loathing and misery.

**Author's note: Yes, this is another chapter. I didn't want you thinking bad and horrible things about pathetic Edward all day. So here he is again! We only have a couple more chapters of part one. This story will be in three parts and told three different ways.**


	9. Chapter 9

**These characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, I have just changed some decisions.**

September 13, 2012 _Age 26_

Alice peeks around the corner into my room. She's quite timid, which worries me about what she's going to show me this year.

"Come on in, Alice. I'm ready." I look up from my medical journal. I've just begun my second year at NYU Langone. It's kind of nice to do something besides sit around feeling sorry for myself. At least now I'm trying to help other people while quietly feeling sorry for myself. I'm a vampire, I can multitask.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, please show me. Tell me that Eli is going to make her happy."

The visions begin in a cacophony of images. In each image, Bella is even happier. Then Alice stops them suddenly.

"I can't see how you're going to react to this next part because I haven't decided if I'm going to show you yet."

"Just do it, Alice. I promise not to freak out again. I'll never get over her, but at least I'm trying."

Alice smirked at me. I tried to poke into her head but she is shutting me out with a vengeance by singing some horrible song that I've never heard before and never want to.

"Okay, here it goes."

What she shows me next doesn't make me bow over in pain, in fact it makes me happy. Eli is going to propose to her. She is getting married! As the proposal plays out in our minds, I realized that it is perfect for Bella. He plans a romantic getaway to Callaway Gardens in Georgia and plans to do it that weekend. The ring isn't overstated or understated. It is a round diamond, about 1 carat, and set in platinum. She is going to love it.

I breathe out a sigh of relief that I didn't even know I was holding.

"She's happy Alice. That's what matters. She's safe and happy and loved."

**I know this is looking a little bleak for Bella and Edward, please remember that I haven't told you for sure that Edward is 17, and that this is still labeled a Bella and Edward story. The story of Edward being turned is not necessary canon. Thank you so much for the reviews, they are very encouraging!**


	10. Chapter 10

**I do not own these characters, Stephenie Meyer does. I'm just practicing my writing by changing their situations.**

September 13, 2013 _Age 27_

I'm now going into my final year of residency and really getting into it. I still spend all of my spare time thinking about Bella and fantasizing about us together, even though I know that she's with Eli.

I know that I'll never hold her in my arms again or be able to kiss her perfect, red lips, but the images I come up with are at least enough to get me through each day. That, and knowing that I'm going to be able to save lives by finding diseases before any other doctors can and then the patients will be able to get earlier treatments. For example, this past year I was able to diagnose a small child with leukemia and was able to get treatment much faster. Its cases like these that keep me going and help me to realize that I'm actually making a difference. If they had waited any longer for the diagnosis, she might not have made it.

Alice has shown me some more of the cases I will solve and this actually excites me. If Bella can move on, then maybe I can too. I know I'm fooling myself, but at least I'm trying which is more than I was doing before. It's been nine years and I still miss her now as much as I did when I left, maybe even more, but at least I'm able to function now.

"You know Edward, I need a new car, I was thinking about how much I've always loved your Aston Martin."

"You can have it Alice, I don't want it. I still only drive the Volvo because I can still smell Bella." I realize just how pathetic that makes me sound but I really don't care.

Alice sighs and looks at me with crazy pity on her face.

"I don't want your car Edward, I was thinking about the Aston Martin One-77. One of the fastest in the world, and I bet Rosalie could make it go even faster. Silver please."

"Whatever you want Alice, my credit card is in my desk. It's the black AmEx. Just make sure it hasn't expired." I haven't made any purchases in the last several years that required a credit card, in fact I still only leave the house when my family makes me hunt or if I need to be in class.

Before Alice leaves to make her purchase, she begins to show me the visions of Bella's life this year. I see Bella going into a bathroom, which I assume is in her house. She is carrying a small plastic bag from CVS. I watch her future as she pulls out a small box with the words EPT printed on the outside and another one that says ClearBlue Easy. I wonder to myself what EPT stands for, but I don't have long to wait. A few minutes later I'm watching Bella exit the bathroom with tears streaming down her cheeks and a giant smile gracing her face.

The next scene plays out where she tells Eli. If I wasn't so envious that he is giving her everything that I never could, it would be endearing. She tells him that she is bringing his dinner out and instead of food on the plate, she places the positive pregnancy tests. I can see him trying not to cry, but really it's futile. He is just as happy as she is and he picks her up and swings her around until he realizes that he doesn't want to hurt the tiny life growing inside of her.

He asks her if she would like to move the wedding up, but she answers that she wants to wait until after the baby is born.

I have a gnawing ache in my heart that is growing out and around my whole body. Before I even realize what's happening, I feel my sister's arms around me as she stills my trembling.

"Alice, please. Please tell me…I don't even know. I want to be happy, so happy for her and I'm trying. She has everything I ever wanted for her but I just don't understand why it hurts so much. The pain is unbearable. My whole body aches constantly from the need to be around her. I can read in Jasper's mind what I'm doing to him. I don't know how he can stand to be around me.

**This is the last of my pre-written chapters so the updates may not come as quickly. The rest of the story is planned out, I just need to get it written down. Thanks for reading!**


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